Archive | April, 2016

What a Corporate Memo from Moses to God Would Look Like

7 Apr

Screen Shot 2016-04-07 at 5.47.39 PM

So I’ve been taking some graduate school writing classes. One of the courses focuses on super short stories (flash fiction and the like) and below is something I came up with one night for an assignment. I like to think it’s pretty clever (who doesn’t like some good ol’ fashioned and kind of corny biblical humor), though apparently certain editors of certain websites disagree. Anyway, I figured I’d post it here, because, well, why not…

To: J.hovah@heav-inc.com
From: Moses@heav-inc.com
Subject: Re: NEW BYLAWS

Initial response around the office is positive. Murders are way down and morale is at an all-time high. One thing to keep an eye on, though: the folks over in Acquisitions are concerned about the ban on stealing; they think it’s going to affect their bottom line. Any suggestions/thoughts on ways to appease them?

Also, I spoke to Aaron and informed him that he and the Commodities department can expect to see deductions in their paychecks corresponding to the amount of gold they lost in the fire. I made it clear that any further rejection of company policies would result in immediate termination.

A few other quick matters of business:

  • Any update on when we can move into the new office space? In the meantime, can we get Maintenance to do something about the humidity?
  • New cafeteria looks great, though down the line we might need to add a bit more variety. Maybe one of those rocks that dispenses water?
  • Amalekites Associates seems to be prepping for a hostile takeover. We need to review counter maneuvers.

Perhaps we can discuss at next board meeting?

Thanks.

(Got some new clubs and have been working on my sand game — you good for 9 on Saturday, or is that no-longer kosher?)

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