My Girlfriend’s Crush on Justin Long

8 May

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My girlfriend has a crush on Justin Long. Well, actually it’s not really a crush; he’s just on her list, not that either of us have an official list (still working on that one), but when we run out of deep things to talk about and default to which celebrities do you think are hot, Justin Long is one of the people she names.

I don’t like that Justin Long is one of the people that she names.

Now, I got nothing against Justin Long. He seems like a nice enough fellow, and I enjoy his movies, at least most of the time. Accepted is excellent; Going the Distance is a good chick flick*; and Dodgeball is, obviously, hilarious. He’s Just Not That Into You I can do without, but hey, no one’s perfect.

My problem with Justin Long is that he’s not exactly somebody you’d normally hold up as an example of a good looking dude. Normally.

Clearly my girlfriend doesn’t fit under that umbrella.

This, as you can imagine, is not such a good thing for my self esteem. That Jason Segel is another man on her list just adds to the problem. Yeah, sure, I can praise her for not being shallow and caring about personality—which is always funny when it’s brought up in these types of hypothetical talks since, well, we know shit about these guys personalities—and all that stuff. But, when it comes down to it, well, it certainly wouldn’t bother me if, when asked to name some good looking famous people that she finds attractive, her answer consisted of names like George Clooney and Brad Pitt.

Because to me, really, it’s simple logic. If she thinks Justin Long is really cute, then, well, I guess it’s a good think I decided to give up my modeling career.

*(Though that might have more to do with Jason Sudeikes** and Charlie Day than Long. I have a theory that the thing that separates good romantic comedies from bad ones is the supporting cast. The main stuff will always be a bit funny, a bit sappy, a bit predictable; it’s up to the other characters to drag it all up.)

** (Speaking of Sudeikes and my girlfriend, well, this is a story that needs to be shared. The one guy on my girlfriend’s list, who actually, ya know, belongs on a list is, John Krasinski. She’s a huge fan, so much so that this one time I almost got forced into seeing the pile of dung that he and Matt Damon put out called Promised Land. Thank God, just almost. Anyway, one day my girlfriend was walking down in the Village and, much to her excitement, saw Krasinksi walking by. Being the shameless person that she is, my girlfriend then decided to stop Krasinski and ask for a picture. She gave her phone to the guy he was walking with. “He laughed at me,” she said at the time, “and then said, Sure, I’m great at taking pictures.” Fast forward a few months. My girlfriend and I are watching Hall Pass on TV. A few scenes in she turns to me and says, “That’s the guy who took the picture of me and Krasinski.” She’s talking about Jason Sudeikis.)  


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